This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
