Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
