I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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