she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize