I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
