i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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