Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
