my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
