Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
