So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
