I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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