dude i'm inner monologue high
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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