His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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