i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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