when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
