yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
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As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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