She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just high enough for therapy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
