you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
