just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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