1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
