i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
