wrigley field is MILF paradise
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
