can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
