Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
