So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize