Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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