somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
