pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
