brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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