very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
