On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
