I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
