if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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