I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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