omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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