I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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