the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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