Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
