Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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