Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
