but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
