i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This toilet bowl is my home.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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