I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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