Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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