I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Randomize
