I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
