if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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