make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
