Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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