i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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