yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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