he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
