I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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