Tell her she can't have a vagina
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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