I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
