I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
