My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Drake has all the answers
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
