im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
